Wednesday, January 06, 2010

You would have been 2 months old today

Dear Aiden

You would have been 2 months old today. It feels like yesterday that we were at the hospital waiting for you to arrive. Laying on the operating table, my prayer was to be able to hold you and hear you cry. Immediately after the doctors took you, you were rushed to the NICU and for several hours the only sight of you I saw was a few pictures. I was told as soon as I came out of recovery, they would take me to see you, that was the longest 2 hours of my life.

I saw you for the first time, you were absolutely beautiful. From my bed they wheeled me in on, the only part of you I could really touch were your sweet feet, they were so soft and long. To be so tiny you were long, you weighed 2 lbs 10 oz and 14 inches long. All I could do was be amazed by the miracle I had in front of me, God had given me an early Christmas present and it was GREAT!

You changed my life in so many ways in your short 32 days. You brought me closer to God in an indescribable way and my Faith in His plans for us has grown. I have become closer to old friends and made new ones. All of this will never replace you but helps in my healing and trying to understand.

I started back to work this week and it seems so strange to be there because I had so many ideas of what it would be like after you were born. I pictured me holding you on the couch while the boys opened presents during Christmas, watching the fireworks in the sky on New Year's Eve, and working from home after the first of the year. My plans of what should have been are so different from reality but my plans were not God's plans. He knew and continues to know what is best and He added a very special Angel to Heaven on December 8, 2009.

You are in my thoughts every moment of every day. I want to hold you and feel your sweet skin against mine, those memories I hold dear in my heart.

Happy birthday my little Angel!
Mommy loves you always.


In every thing give thanks,

for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you

1 Thessalonians 5:18

4 comments:

Carey said...

Amen Ashley, Amen!

Continuing to pray for one of my favorite families!
Love yall!

Belleicious said...

You are so strong. We are with you!

Shellie Tomlinson said...

Bless your sweet heart, Ashley! We love you and continue to pray for your hearts. So grateful that y'all have come through such heartache with such big faith. Thank you for that testimony to the sweet grace of our King.

lindsey said...

Precious baby boy...Thank you for sharing your heart. Still praying for you guys and praising the Lord for His peace and comfort that so evidently is flowing through you right now.

Your trip looked like good medicine :). Beautiful pics!